I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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