my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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