His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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