I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your penis caused this!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
