I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found your dick twin last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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