batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
