do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
