"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
