first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
