Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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