I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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