I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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