her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
