tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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