the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
