i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
