so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
