Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I supernannyed him into submission
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
