Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
