it's like iHOP with fire
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When did angry sex become our thing?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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