I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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