a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I deserve this hangover.
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