peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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