Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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