I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My ATM looks so different sober.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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