24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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