I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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