You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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