I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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