Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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