you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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