Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
