I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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