ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
