I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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