i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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