Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My pussy is not your playground.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
