I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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