Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
