Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
