Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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