Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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