You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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