So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
