I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
