You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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