It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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