I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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