I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize