I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
