we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
