You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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