Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
