im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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