I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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