That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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