You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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