i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
