when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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