My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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